The Arnaz’s – are they more Lucy and Ricky or Ricky and Lucy? How bout the Kramden’s, Ralph and Alice, determined and stubborn or accommodating and reliable. Those were the shows we grew up on. We watched sassy and funny, deliberate and over the top. A little Morey Amsterdam slap-sticky. The Rob and Laura’s and the Ozzie and Harriet’s were like our parents friends that they played Canasta and had coffee and ….with. The years of rabbit ears and “no you get up and change the channel.” So maybe Peggy Lee had it right.”Is that all there is my friend? If that’s all there is then let’s keep dancing.” Reliable, although ultimately a goal when assessing the “what matters most in life, “offers an initial feeling of let me experiment my way to the “reliables.” .And I quote- Be honest with yourself about what success really means to you and about what’s truly important in your life. You may find that it is already much closer than you think. Ruben Chavez.With a healthy provocateur by our side hopefully we come to understand that “making things work” is optimum for success. Not necessarily resignation, but rather a focus on the benefit of making peace with what feels better than not. Where we want to be at the end of conversations.

 Go for a walk around the block by yourself, take your inventory and Mia culpa your way to one big break. Love the things you love with more intensity, reduce your self grandiosity and embrace the wisdom you’ve achieved not when you got up, but when you were reaching there. 

So for Lucy and Ricky, his next gig as a bandleader with a baby or two thrown into the mix was what they were looking for. The cherry on top was their sit downs wth Ethel and Fred on a luxurious vacation to Beverly Hills. Live life not as the hall closet that stores coats and umbrellas, but the walk-in in the master bedroom where the gowns and lace scarves luxuriate in their space. So Peggy, if that’s all there is, i’ll take a double.

“Understand people’s anxiety- Always have a suntan-” Aristotle Onassis- Dale Carnegie just “Got it!” Simple, kind and ever so real. He won friends’s and influenced people he never met. His book has staying power like the Daily News, Al Roker and Facebook as a daily read. In the absence of gossip, no pictures of grandchildren (your honor I am guilty), and long before the “if you don’t forward this email to 10 people you won’t win the lottery” his ideas prevail. The words and suggestions he offers outlive any self-help guide I’ve ever read. Possibly the prototype for all The Chicken Soup for the Soul publications. Helen Gurley Brown told it like it was through red lipstick and panty hose and we listened- well maybe some of the time. We peaked at Dr. Ruth and her idea of the perfect orgasm. I watched, I must confess, early on when Phil Donahue had Jean Nidetch (founder of Weight Watchers) talk about how an extra apple each day could help us loose lbs. but–Oh Dale, how your words resonated loud and clear upon first read and today when I need a reminder or two. That unpleasant look I got from so and so the other day had everything to do with her and very little to do with me. People project their feelings and own bias when their defending the one side of the story they didn’t hear. So the coming attraction as I see it is Dale Carnegie for Presidential advisor. His first lesson would be on winning where it counts the most. In my life, and getting up there is high up on my list daily, I have never heard such blasphemy dished out daily and thrown across our television screen. This morning we heard the candidates are up to wife bashing. 

So who doesn’t have a “quiet something” they don’t want revealed? But seriously, how much more do we as people united have to bare before someone pulls the plug, screams out Kidding or a lunatic with a weapon pulls the trigger? I long for the days of my youth when playing stick ball and hopscotch in the street were after dinner activities. With a sense of delight I remember the smell of a brand new pink Spalding as though it were yesterday. I miss my days of playing Jacks, designing on my Etch a Sketch, and sharing made up stories of how it will be when Barbie marries Ken. One guilty pleasure I recall was chewing double bubble (not knowing I was helping my dentist enjoy his summer home with each bubble that landed smack across my face.) Oh the 60’s where art thou now? Our country is bleeding out of control. The lessons the candidates are imparting to the children of our nation are emotionally brutal. No it’s not ok to bad mouth anyone’s wife. Please do not speak to anyone in that tone of voice. Don’t look when someone’s pants are down figuratively. And by the way, if your invited to a friend’s home for dinner and they serve your least favorite dish, it’s one meal, you’re a guest, eat it anyway. With luck the dog will be lingering around your feet throughout the meal. Dale,  come out, come out wherever you are!

“What it’s liked to be loved by you? I will love being loved by you.” The King and I ultimately centers around the love between Anna and the King of Siam. The score by Rodgers and Hammerstein offers sing out loud words that “whistle a happy tune.” The children play a pivotal role in getting the grown-ups to see eye to eye. Isn’t that the case so often with the “out of the mouth of babes,” concept. The unfiltered, knee jerk reactions, the know no limits behaviors offer so much clarity laced with wisdom. Kids tell it like it is. They don’t need to be asked to “tell.” The uncensored beauty of raw emotion is priceless. How special that shame, bias and restraint does not kick in readily in the emotional growth process. Silly, strong and ever so determined to claim an identity to call their own is how they roll. Bathroom humor becomes hysterical, the word “no” seems impenetrable and the words “yes you can pick two toys,”the wonder of wonder. With complexity and simplicity they approach the world. As the grown up observer of a whole lot of kids growing and growing and growing at record speed I am privileged to be watching the process from the left side of the front row. Leslie Stahl’s new book is called “Becoming Grandma”. -The Joys and Science of the New Grandparenting. She will be interviewed at the 92Y this month to tell how this book came about. And I quote- she was hit with a jolt of joy so intense and unexpected, she wanted to “investigate” it- as though it were a news flash. She researched and met with scientists and behavioral therapists to help understand the physiological and therapeutic effects grandchildren have on grandmothers and grandfathers. 

Just writing these words gets my hearts racing. I am charged thinking about reading it. I can’t wait to hear her speak through interview about her feelings. I am in the know on this part of life. We don’t get it all for sure. When opportunity knocked I used my ironclad fist to beat down the barriers of being left out this time. My profound realization of the medicinal effect of hearing how much someone misses me, how they can’t wait to tell me that their next sleepover is this week-end, and when their eyes meet mine and we know, we just know this time together is second to none. There is unexpected Joy knowing that there is no course or preparation to be had for this ride of a lifetime. No prior experience needed. The heart to heart -(more Aunt G words) is the way to go a when your offered this gift. With the rush of adrenal I hit the ground running. I buy their favorite foods, I take out the art supplies and I wait to say ” who’s here” as they come running thru the door with a direct path to my Heart. I’m left wondering who has the upper hand in this joint tutelage deal? And so I always knew my favorite take away song from The King and I had deeper meaning as it’s always been “Something Wonderful.” 

“New York is where I’d rather stayI get allergic smelling hay

I just adore a penthouse view

Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue”

Lyrics from the Green Acres sitcom- 60’s-70’s.

The best part of every vacation is the view of the Empire State Bldg. on the drive home from the airport. Happy away, happier home. Quite a typical response as I hear about many holidays away. I’ve viewed friend’s glorious vacation details unfold through photo albums. Volumes of unusual foliage, magnificent https://arosebyanyothername2016.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/img_2872.jpglandmarks and astounding views of The Grand Canyon from the plane just to name a few. I have had my own breathtaking revery runs down mountains where seeing forever is the mainstay. Numerous walks through the streets of Italy and Paris looking for the best brioche and cappuccino spots. I’ve experienced the isolated glory of watching Leonard Bernstein conduct at the Vienna Orchestra one Sunday back in the 80’s. My memories are etched in the blessing dept. of my brain. And—then the welcoming smell of the street that houses my “bed.” The first night sleep at home is a popular item on top 10 lists everywhere. We go through weeks of mail, unbox our knowing Chinese Dinner and open our suitcases. The television goes on and we inhale the good. My everyday view of the world, my own backyard.
Being away worked to our advantage this time around. We found a pace and got our mojo in a place we will visit again. We look forward to exchanging the snow with sun and sand. On the precipice of change, a tightrope walk for sure, we realize that we can layer life, call New York home and still beach chair it through our grandparent years. I’ll take Breakfast in my own bed for 1000 please.

Fievel Goes West- The story of emigres mice who migrate west in search of the American Dream. The caveat is to escape being what the cat dragged in. Made in 1991-catch it if you can. A favorite take away song “Dreams to Dream.” So many movies based on fairy tales coming true. The when you wish upon a star. Makes no difference who you are moments. Kiss the Blarney Stone and rub the Buddha’s tummy. Superstitiously we try to will the ball down the middle of the alley and strike all ten balls at once. We carry a rabbits foot, a good luck 3 crack mah Jongg tile or an old hanky that once was mom’s. The come on now, don’t you know we create our own luck has little effect when we watch the proverbial horse come out out the gate.

So when I put money in the quarter machine at the casino last night and I won $157.12( I think the 12 cents was to keep me humble), I instantly felt the flush of winner come over me. As the days dwindle down on our time in winter camp I have this sense of urgency to use all the tickets of chance I was given. Should I go on all the rides at once? Perhaps save a few for next time? 

Moving forward is a safe bet when encouraging good luck. I have learned when the past comes knocking, don’t answer, it has nothing new to say. Beverly Sills said – “there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.” When we adjust our sails and re- direct our energy at least we are heading where we want to go. As I pack my bags I am leaving with less emotional baggage then I came with. I have taken my lessons, polished them with hope and sealed them in the I’ll make my own luck compartment. Away we go!

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzy. The try it you’ll like it way or the highway. With no surprise the most unexpected of pleasures were not acquired tastes but the out of the gate one time shots. I’ve heard over and over again, when the initial I don’t knows, or I can’t commits fade away the why did I wait so longs to try that come into play. So let’s do it Zumba and let’s finally learn to play bridge. No more what are we waiting fors look good on us. Once I dive in my drive to excel and repeat often is relentless. I am a binge “doer.” The I can’t get enough of something type. Resistance with persistence smashes our chance for chance. Recognizing opportunity is my idea of “getting lucky.” Filling my dance card takes on new meaning when occupying daytimes with new passions are the goals. I have done movie therapy- three in a day. I have played mah jongg and canasta day into night. I’ve also watched Orange is the New Black and House Of Cards, punctuated by four meals. I’m not a shopper and I don’t play candy crush. With hard core determination I skipped those costly time and money preoccupations. As we enter the new phase of grown-up play land, grandchildren become real live dolls and becoming a canasta masta replaces winning at monopoly and clue. What goes around comes around in the form of play. We call it success when we do a work out, play an afternoon game and when we can rock and roll our night away after dinner at the clubhouse. Moving on up is the new aging. Grab the ring, make it golden and leave the complaint department–never to return!

“You’ve got to Accentuate the positive eliminate the Negative.” Lyrics by Johnny Mercer. My path is one run on-on the mend sentence – I believe the mend, if you don’t play small with your life is a constant. The no pain, no gain aspect rings true throughout. Live, Love, Laugh and the Reap, Repair, Reward alliterations work for me. With luck, our challenges are the least surmountable factor we face. The ride to the top the longest, the stay at the top, the shortest and the ride down the quickest. With wisdom we will send the elevator back down to the people who helped get us to the shortest part of out ride. Loyalty in friendships is optimum when setting up your agenda at the beginning of the semester. The anticipation is that friends come fully equipped to make your world go round. Good luck in winning the lottery as well. Naively, I believed we get back what we give. When your brushing off the disappointments one after the other you then learn that loyalty is the prize to keep your eye on. Rare indeed, but if it exists it is intentional and without erraticism. As I travel on, my myopic, rose colored views are returning to the originals. I’m refining my expectations as the glaring realities present their goods repetitively. When you buy a house the first time you look at the white picket fence and the marble bathroom. Second time around you check for roaches. When loyalty is the card you choose at charades, trade up for the biggest stuffed animal on the top shelf and give it someone in the room. Whoever guesses first what your portraying, invite them to your next dinner part and seat them next to you. Buy that new dress today!

“There was a little girl, who had little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very very good and when she was bad she was horrid.” As I quote an old favorite poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It’s about that little curl right in the middle. My “horrid” is taking things out on myself. The dangling participle which is applicable is “beating myself over the head.” Mid-stream though I try to say stop. I perseverate, mostly over the minutia. With the big issues I am pretty well trained, through experience, to look for the Exit signs before I sit down. We shared time with friends yesterday and the Spring ahead, Fall back came up. He said to her “what it means is we will have one less hour to spend together.” I loved that. A real Aunt G comment for those in the know. Keep your sunny side up- Monday’s are new beginnings, rather than days to recover from the hardy party of yesterday. Springing ahead, a new opportunity to count our blessings as we the live little things. We then come to learn the little things are really the big things.Who really has our back, who wants to insure our good time? When trusting our instincts we try to add better judgement when leading with euphoric recall. Proceed with caution and always try to get a fifth to insure nothing gets in the way of having a game. Make it a memorable Monday!

“In my own little corner, in my own little chair. I can be whatever I want to be.” Rodgers and Hammerstein- written in 1950 for Cinderella. Time has a way of showing us what really matters. Cinderella’s mother taught her to “always have courage and to show kindness to others”. Believing in the existence and presence of magic was a must as well. So against all odds- fending off a wicked step-mother, jealous step-sisters and every stigma attached to the “step syndrome,” she managed to surface as the Queen and laureate of second chances.

When you miss the first boat out, for whatever reason and fortuitously get another chance to dance in the moonlight; grab it tightly, as to loose it would be the stranglehold of tragedy. Give up being bound by failings for past mistakes, i.e.bad choices. Destiny always rears it’s head In spite of whatever form of mutiny you throw in its way. Living with high emotional content slows down the aging process. Get that facelift through opening up the doorways that have been blocking the sun from your path to happiness. John and Yoko lived by the adage “life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” Unfortunately his elongated job with destiny was cut short and it took her breath away. And I quote- Life on life’s terms- You know when you know, the clock is ticking and so on. I decided when it’s the stuff I can control, when the decisions are in my hand, I’ll listen to Cinderella’s mom and add courage and kindness to my shout out loud I am what I am moment. I’ll stir in a touch of magic and 180 my way to a better place. Time waits for no one. Let’s do it Saturday!