“Your honor” I heard the representative say it was clearly a Crime of the Heart. 

Not an optical illusion. They come running through the door looking for what they call ” the usual.” Consistent, knowing and dependable. If we could sign up at 10 yrs. old and know that pretty much carries you through the gaps, the holes and the unpredictables we would ask to see the dotted line. We want to teach them everything we know about avoiding the pain. Fat chance. Advise them they will do foolish things but to do them with enthusiasm. Seek adventures as experiences- it works out best that way. We want to share that they will be surprised how un-lonely being alone can be. If only we knew how transitory physical beauty was sooner- less fuss less muss.

As a pre- Memorial Day remembrance a dear, no longer with us friend comes to mind. He was a benevolent despot with high honors. 

Yes, he was birth right endowed, but never begrudged one moment of that chance. He catapulted a family real estate company by prodigious proportions and never ran for President. Being in a position of hoarding his wealth or sharing it he chose the later. He spread it around to all the people who worked with him. His staff were never appendages to his self esteem, they were part of his team. He was revered and adored for his simplistic posture of ” the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” Lies are too difficult to follow and end up following you around. Creepy feeling too.

From his long standing right hand assistant, whose children he helped school,  to the people who shined the piano that helped croon Bobby Short he was kind and kinder. 

I was lucky to jump on an opportunity to make his aquatintance through a chance meeting. He owned the buildings that housed apartments I sold. It was during the fuss and muss years when being a shareholder in good looks didn’t hurt. The life he could and did have, which he had his friends join in was delightfully laced with privilege. 

Back to those lessons I dear say. So fun,through art, music and good cheer were a few things imparted to me through his generosity. However, it was so much more than planes, trains and automobiles. He honed his capacity to zero in on our individual long suits. His ability to make you feel special through the talents perhaps you hardly knew you had, I’ve seldom seen again. 

When Toby likes to do an art project and Jack and Alexei like to plant flowers we get out the gear, no instruction book needed and Peter Sharp our way through. We focus in on Liam’s passion for sports and kvell during his tennis lesson. Zachary lined our refrigerator door with his sticker designs and we gaze upon them when we grab the milk. James- you want to plant a watermelon on the terrace- here you go buddy, seeds in hand. Lucky to have met Peter and luckier we saw things his way! For today let’s really live the moments and 24 hr.it into a great one.

The well that won’t run dry- unicorns, golden rings, mile high pies and Babies. When things go in one straight line, grab the rope in bungee like fashion and Coast. Yes, fly across the sky, dream a little dream and let the glitter cloud your eyes. Life on life’s terms and away we go. We sat and watched one of our three baby girl nieces- now all twenty-something go thru early labor last night. On the brink of a miracle about to unfold we sat looking at her as the pain set in. No pain, no gain well in this case watching this baby girl, we cradled at birth go thru this was very difficult to put it mildly. This was about to become clamorous- less than glamorous.

My baby sister a Grandmother. She has always been a Grand- Mother and now about to be a Grandmother. 

The strength of family as a community is incomparable. When pooling together to share the joy, divide the sorrow or set the table there isn’t a match. With familiarity eclipsing respect there are lapses in consistency. When “push” comes to shove- we weep, we mourn and Carly Simon move over when we celebrate.” Nobody does it better, nobody does it half as good as you baby you’re The Best.”

One very long, hard, life lesson hopefully learned— we don’t always fit into people’s lives the way we would like to or expected. Take the best of the fit, drop expectations along the way. When the water breaks and a new life emerges make peace where you can, raise the glass a little bit higher and pray that when G-d fills the waters again that Noah, his family and the animals make room for you too. 

“Sail on silver girl, sail on by,. your time has come to shine. All your dreams are on the way, see how they shine. If you need a friend, I’m sailing right behind, like a bridge over troubled waters, I will ease your mind.” Winged and cliched it today! Oh and to quote Bettie Ann- sister, mother, aunt, friend “it’s all good.”

My mother was the Northeast Distributor of Guilt. As she drove me to school one day she noticed on the left side of my neck, a hickey. I thought it was carefully hidden under my turtleneck Dickie. However- it was visible and her comment was “I can see the only course you’re going to pass in high school is biology.” Thump- started my day on that note. Don’t get me wrong once my teenage years were long gone I really enjoyed my mother/my self. To know her was to Love her so. Once she was living in Florida I would visit often. We would fall into routines and the sense of trusted knowing with an immediacy reserved for mothers and daughters. We laughed a lot and saw things very similarly. Our simultaneous sentences often ended with pinky wishes. Oh, if we could have one more pinky wish. Forget dancing with my father again as the song goes- I would take the Lindy with Sophie any day Even our mundane discussions about our shared interest in Lifetime movies were as valuable as our slant on politics. For years and it’s been -almost 8 unimaginable ones, I could not look at her pictures. Now I am writing about her for the very first time. The first of my three cherished nieces is about to have her first child. The lineage of our family is imminently about to add a link and form a longer line. The connection to this about to be new member of our family is stirring palpable emotions in us all.

There is a book called Feathers Brush My Heart- by Sinclair Browning. One of my sisters, the grandma to be, gave me this book many years ago. It’s a compilation of stories of mothers touching their daughter’s lives after death. My sister and I send text pictures of found feathers and call them Soph. We are stunned and delighted every time a random feather just “appears.” Theresa Caputo, the legendary medium, brings attention to coins and their connection to loved ones. “Look I found a dime.”

Ok- too heavy for 7:15? Well then, let’s flip it and bring in everything Pink.

With no coincidence the new life about to pop into ours, offers the longed, welcomed increment of healing I needed. Mom, I’m not leaving you behind- just relocating your place in my mind. Hey, Bella Sophia will need you closer to her- so go cutie. Stand next to your about to be first great- grandchild. We are not leaving you out of this monumental happening. I’m good- the seeds you planted and the message you sent through yesterday’s feather allows me to see- you are never far from heart- all of ours. 

Make peace with mistakes! Then you can give peace a chance. Guilt is the gift that never stops giving. Don’t give it or accept it even in stocking stuffer proportions. Say what you mean and don’t be adorable about it. “All we want to do is have some fun till the sun comes up on Santa Monica Blvd.” Spend time watching bloopers and blunders- make your own. Serious is serious – throw it out with yesterday’s papers. Get a DVD of Seinfeld outtakes and belly laugh your way thru Sunday. Make yourself happy-what are you waiting for? Don’t google medical conditions that offers quantum leap anxiety. Who understands portioned centimeters anyway. Whaaaaat? Sermon your way to a Sunday based on not who called or how many likes you got on your Facebook or Instagram posts. Did you really post like for likes? Oy! Get over trying to get over it. Not everyone likes everyone. Like yourself and then trust your appeal. Erma Bombeck said ” It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” I say then don’t. When you carry your own concept of yourself not giving a S–t what others think really comes into play. I have learned people are more concerned about their printers not working then You. Utilize your talent and gather your internal supplies- means to an end. Roll up your sleeves, hit the  ground running away from brow beating solicitors. On Thursday our grandson Zachary told us that he loves us both so much that even when we die he will still love us. Once again after they picked me up from the floor I looked to the sky thanked my “lucky” stars and thought boy am I glad I didn’t leave my heart in San Francisco.

“We’re going to be on Ed Sullivan, Ed Sullivan- we’ll be coast to coast with our favorite host Ed Sull-i-van.” The Beatles, Elvis and Topo Gigio all mounted on the Ed Sullivan Show. Sunday night – vegetable soup, ritz crackers with peanut butter and jelly and Ed Sullivan. Topo it was your bright eyes that we all fixated on. “Sing, sing a song make it simple to last your whole life long.” Make mine music straight up, neat. Lady sang the Blues and then some.

Just for today allow soothing music to side swap everything. The Bye Bye Birdie days and one last kiss rock and rolled us to sleep. Maybe this time we’ll get lucky, maybe this time we’ll win. We would choose west side story over bedtime story any night. Dreams of Henry Higgins and long black gloves were like legions of sugar plums dancing in our heads. “Kiss today good-bye, the sweetness and the sorrow. Won’t forget, can’t regret what we did for Love.” Step it up a notch and swoon to the days of Soldier Boy and waiting for our boyfriends to come back. Where are you Johnny Angel? Let’s twist again like we did last summer our way out of this. Let’s get this loco-in-motion with the Wa o Watusi. In the Still of last nights full moon we “never saw the sun shining so bright, never saw things going so right.” Ella, “I’ll be loving you always, always- with a love that’s true always. Ah, the jukebox in our minds- those oldies but goodies remind me of you. Oh how I hate to get up in the morning- mama said there’d be days like this- but who knows where or when. Wishing and hopin and thinkin and prayin since tomorrow may rain so I’ll follow the sun. Could be who knows, there’s something due any day. I will know right away- maybe tonight.

It’s working and not just in a coal mine, working in a coal mine. Put on a happy face cause it could be tonight. Packed up all my cares and woe here I go singing low, Black “Cloud” bye bye. Bada  Bing! “You can’t take that away from me.”

Finding Nemo- coming soon to a theater near you. You had us at Fish Tanks. Our early fascination with the fish tank in the dentist’s office was only surpassed by the candy dish close by.Do dentists promote cavities all along  with that dish? In case you haven’t seen Finding Nemo, in the really, are we watching this again times, catch it. Daddy, son, divers, water adventures and scary lost moments all in one. Fast forward to the part where Marlin (daddy) and Nemo(son) are reunited. The audible sighs, at that split second, echo in our minds. A spin on the primordial announcements over the P.A. system in E.J. Korvettes, the all purpose store of our youth. It went something like this. “Attention shoppers, we have a blond haired, blue eyed child here- he is crying and can’t find his mommy.” Are you kidding, can you believe, that Nemo broke away from his school of fish and got lost? The relief on the kids faces as Marlin’s journey to rescue his son is realized. Anything short of “those” people who strapped a pet like leash to their kids waists and led them around – the real nightmare. How many times have we said on a museum journey- “if you don’t see our eyeballs you are too far away.” Lost kid, lost never-minds. 

We miss the Howdy Doody(not bathroom language then) days. How about Bozo the Clown and the Captain Kangaroo shows- what was really in the Captain’s oversized pockets? How many times did we ask our parents- is the dummy really talking as we watched Jerry Mahoney upon Paul Winchell’s knee. Who was really the dummy? Knucklehead Smiff love that name still. The only one not fascinated by Charlie McCarthy was undoubtedly Candice Bergen. I’d be remiss in not recalling Pachalafaka- hello Soupy Sales- you freak.

So as we spring ahead with no falling back excuses, let’s relish watching grandchildren blow out every single candle on their birthday cake. Look forward to seeing the July 2016 release of Finding Nemo. So just for today why not enjoy a good emoji or charming hashtag. Try putting melancholy on the back burner next to the chilin. Somehow the lyric that’s it’s a recipe, the music it’s not a blueprint has a beat that you can dance to. Remember Dick Clark lived in perpetuity.

Lin Manuel, you say it so swell- from Up in the Heights each spectacle you tell- Aaron Burr said to you, rumors only grow – one of the themes that carried the show- 

Was your legacy to plant seeds that will grow-in a beautiful garden-you will never know -So you captured Alexander, as in Hamilton the show-Washington and Jefferson and Adams quite a force -how lucky for you that you didn’t see divorce. You told of America’s beginnings tried and true- almost like you lived it cause you knew, really knew- With affect and emotion revolutionized in song – the characters kept dancing as they acted all along- two centuries ago as the garb did display,  contemporary flair carried  the message all the way- unimaginary loss brought you down to your knees – got the audience attention- silence if you please – in the legendary duel who would have thunk- the crowd left cheering 

An amazing slam dunk. 

If things aren’t working change the sequence of events- take a new course, walk on the other side of the street- shake it up. One thing begets another. Network to a different place. What comes out of an attempt is often a surprise. Now on to the change for the country. Radical has a take your foot off the gas strength. Our country is bleeding and in dire need of a metamorphous. We are in an emergent state and on the precipice of a very frightening unknown. Those in the know speak with distinctive and educated facts to back up the assumptive “what could be’s.” The future an assumption- our homeland a crumpled pile of rubble.

Our choices come down to if we have to. How did this spin out of control to the point of being untrue to ourselves?

One big piece of our persona was what political party rang most true for us. How we voted was in accordance with those beliefs. Now we are fractured as a whole and severely compromised in spirit. As Americans choices are our right and our distinctive privilege. We know democracy and the sigh like freedom it offers. Rewind- we would walk up to the voting booth, close the curtain and felt with certainty we were contributing and being true to our beliefs. Our hope was that the bowling ball sped right down the middle for a 10 pin knock-out. Our duty as citizens is to have our vote count in favor of our creed. We carry our fundamental points and beliefs and follow through.

One of our cherished activities is planting our terrace with our grandsons. The flowers and veggies stream our traditions with continuity- a family project we all love.

On Sunday one of the kids asked if we could grow a tree this year. The answer was a resounding Yes. We said as long as it is size appropriate for the space we have. His answer, “well can’t it be a big tree like at the park.” Oh my sweet boy- for you and your generation the sky is the limit. At least so we thought with unbridled certainty until…we walk up to the voting booth ,close the curtain and understand for the the very first time that our Free World now carries a tariff bigger than our emotional pocketbooks can afford. “For which it stands.”

Nothing worse than disrespect – not returning emails or calls. Who the hell… However, it’s two sided. The fragrance of arrogance – diaper pail-esque. This is where older is better- vanity is replaced with sanity. I am who I am and if you don’t like well…See theater for the actors you like. Go to events only if you are welcomed, honored to be invited or have to. Appropriate your giving – not to get back but to be received. Un-friend someone you don’t appreciate following- we are all addicts- one or 12 steps away from each other. Spend time sleeping off and on. Nothing better than a lazy afternoon -with or without a grandchild under the covers with an iPad and the “on demand” remote. 

Esoteric- intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest. Come on guys it’s me.

Want to know how quickly 10 yrs. and 7 months go by. Look up, yes up, at a grandchild you met on Day One. Treat him liked the baby you fell in love with at first sight- and tell him when he squiggles – you just can’t stop hugging him. Eat less salt! Really that is a biggie. Google primatologist and ask him about salt. Stop trying to get away with not exercising, not reading. Luck only lasts for so long disguised as a warning. And- for heaven’s sake don’t play a victim. Wears thin, quickly. Although u may find a club who also live the inadequacies and thrive on crappy stories. Snarky is putting it mildly.

Don’t be limited by impoverished dimensions of you imagination. Do more of what you are good at. Get tickets for Hamilton- and have Netflix as a back up if cable goes out! Mozart and I quote – I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise and blame. I simply follow my own feelings.

Blessings seem to come wrapped with charm

They find your purpose and always disarm

Come hither and yon, they will knock on your door

Ask for so little and get so much more

 Mix patience with potion and stir with some flair

Get ready to receive them they’re close and so near

With gratitude and clarity we grab for the ring

One go around- don’t miss a thing

Once you get what you’re seeking

Come sit next to me

I know the warmth of feeling scot free

Determined to keep the treasures close by

Keep your eyes wide open and reach for the sky

We got you covered and believing of course

For as we go forward we’ll add the white horse