Hickies and Dickies 

My mother was the Northeast Distributor of Guilt. As she drove me to school one day she noticed on the left side of my neck, a hickey. I thought it was carefully hidden under my turtleneck Dickie. However- it was visible and her comment was “I can see the only course you’re going to pass in high school is biology.” Thump- started my day on that note. Don’t get me wrong once my teenage years were long gone I really enjoyed my mother/my self. To know her was to Love her so. Once she was living in Florida I would visit often. We would fall into routines and the sense of trusted knowing with an immediacy reserved for mothers and daughters. We laughed a lot and saw things very similarly. Our simultaneous sentences often ended with pinky wishes. Oh, if we could have one more pinky wish. Forget dancing with my father again as the song goes- I would take the Lindy with Sophie any day Even our mundane discussions about our shared interest in Lifetime movies were as valuable as our slant on politics. For years and it’s been -almost 8 unimaginable ones, I could not look at her pictures. Now I am writing about her for the very first time. The first of my three cherished nieces is about to have her first child. The lineage of our family is imminently about to add a link and form a longer line. The connection to this about to be new member of our family is stirring palpable emotions in us all.

There is a book called Feathers Brush My Heart- by Sinclair Browning. One of my sisters, the grandma to be, gave me this book many years ago. It’s a compilation of stories of mothers touching their daughter’s lives after death. My sister and I send text pictures of found feathers and call them Soph. We are stunned and delighted every time a random feather just “appears.” Theresa Caputo, the legendary medium, brings attention to coins and their connection to loved ones. “Look I found a dime.”

Ok- too heavy for 7:15? Well then, let’s flip it and bring in everything Pink.

With no coincidence the new life about to pop into ours, offers the longed, welcomed increment of healing I needed. Mom, I’m not leaving you behind- just relocating your place in my mind. Hey, Bella Sophia will need you closer to her- so go cutie. Stand next to your about to be first great- grandchild. We are not leaving you out of this monumental happening. I’m good- the seeds you planted and the message you sent through yesterday’s feather allows me to see- you are never far from heart- all of ours. 

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