I always dreamed the boy I loved would come along

And he’d be tall and handsome rich and strong

But now that boy I love has come to me

But he sure ain’t the way I thought he’d be

(He’s sure the boy I love)

He doesn’t look like a movie star

He doesn’t drive a Cadillac car

He sure ain’t the boy I’ve been dreamin’ of

But he’s sure the boy I love “-excerpt from the song by The Crystals “He’s sure the boy I love.” One of our favorite songs to croon to as teenage girls dreaming of our future. 

In the 60’s the term “play date” was called “hanging out”- time at a friend’s house after school. I always had favorite friends to spend time with until right before dusk set in and I had to go home to start my homework and have dinner. Our after school times never seemed long enough as that’s when some of our best learning occurred. 

Daren Scott was one of my first and as long as our time together lasted closest friends. We walked to and from school together, hung out after school, started college together and sat at our Senior Prom table together the year she was voted Best Looking in our 1969 graduating  class. Daren and I lost touch when we both married and went our separate ways. I knew Daren had a son and a daughter and was an amazing and proud mom. As we sit on the precipice of our 50th high

school class reunion coming up this October, Daren won’t be at my table, by my side. No,not this time.

A decade ago I got a call from another close and life long friend, Shoshanna Smith( a.k.a. Susan Kalb.) I think I heard her say Daren Scott died. I gasped and shockingly asked if I heard her correctly. Life on life’s terms, destiny? I asked so many questions and they stopped when I asked Shoshanna if, when we were walking to school, hanging out after school, eating Blanche’s chocolate cake, listening to our favorite songs,  was it preordained that Daren would not  live her life out. Shoshanna, in her sage like, wisdom way said. “Judy, she lived her life out.” So the story goes. Daren had a certain panache, a quiet flair. There was a strong side to her and being on that side was an easier way for our friendship to flourish. I learned so much about fashion during our after school “play dates.” Daren had an Aunt Alma who was a clothing buyer and Daren and her sisters would get Amazon like delivery’s of the most extraordinary clothing. I learned about mini – skirts designed by Mary Quant, ensemble dress and skirt suits by Charles Evans (Evan Picone) and capes by Bill Blass. I knew early on that Balmain shoes would live forever. I never dreamed Daren wouldn’t.

I heard some great news  yesterday from Barbara Scott, she married Daren’s cousin Kevin) that Daren’s daughter Jen got engaged. When 

my goosebumps subsided, a potpourri of emotions set in and I wept.

Undoubtedly, I was thrilled to hear the news and see glorious pics of the proposal. Then in an airy way I exhumed the look on Daren’s face, as if it were yesterday, when we were young girls sharing first time moments of sheer bliss. This time my dear, old friend I’ll imagine that look, honor your children for you with extreme joy and pride. I pray you know that while you’ve been long time out of sight, you’re always in my heart. Yitgadal v’ yitkadash.

And I quote- I heard the news today, oh, boy. About a lucky man who made the grade. A line from the Beatles song – A Day in the Life. As I turned on the news at 5:45. (Yup)- with a cup of coffee and an orange I got an early reality check. Just a $5.75 via car ride away( always a random price) up at Mt. Sinai hospital a man received a piece of his son’s liver, that will save his life. Just when you think you have reached your tolerance level with your struggles the person next to you in your shared car service ride has deeper worries. For today, give your gray skies a chance to clear up, move the mountain in your way with the sweep of your hand and  if you held  two many Aces in your last game of Canasta remember it just adds to your total point count in just a game. Let’s do it Monday.

“Extra Extra hey look at the headline, historical news is being made.”

Ali Stroker, a Glee alumni and hugely talented American actress wins a Tony for her role as Ado Annie Carnes in the  revival of Oklahoma. The take away line in the song she belts out -I”Caint” say no “ is “how can I be what I ain’t, I can’t say no.” As the crowd stood and you sat in the wheelchair that has given you mobility since an accident left you paralyzed at the age of 2 we honored your success with adoration. In your appreciation speech you thanked your parents for teaching you to give to others from your talents. What a gift they gave you and what a gift you gave us. 

So we wake up, get out of bed and walk into the kitchen to make the coffee. The things we take for granted other people are praying for.   

Our no brainers are often the only things on someone else’s mind. 

I can crowd the page with adages galore about paying it forward, put your money where your mouth is and “walking” the walk. 

Our Aunt Da, our mother’s older sister was  physically limited due to a bone infection in her hip before modern medicine was able to cure it. People would treat her differently because her gate was different. My family would look twice as the comments were made because we only saw her from the inside out. We live with preconceived notions about physical disabilities, limitations and challenges. We joined a club up in Westchester for the summer months. I asked to be included in a canasta game. Just for right now there are  no “seats” available. I walked away from the week-end feeling badly about the lack of hospitality we were shown in an upper crust and privileged setting. Shame on me. Needless to say as my husband and I cried through Ali Stroker’s victory speech, we reeled in our complaints and concerns about a canasta game, a leak in a bathroom sink or sitting in traffic. Ali Stroker has been sitting in traffic since she was a child and tonight “walked” away with it all. 

And I quote -Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

And what’s on the other side

Rainbows are visions

They’re only illusions

Rainbows have nothing to hide

So we’ve been told

And some choose to believe it

I know they’re wrong wait and see

Someday we’ll find it

The rainbow connection

The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Lyrics by Jim Henson- favored artist Kermit the Frog.
Rainbows and Frogs- “look, look, look to the rainbow, follow the fellow who follows his dream.”

The fascination of the colors, shape and promise offer a trilogy of endless wonderment. Dorothy searched for happiness “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” She learned that after her laborious travels, the click of the red shoes bringing her “Home” to Auntie Em’s smile was her Oz.

So you gamble at the track to win, place or show. Aren’t placing and showing, winning? Just get out of the gate, play your own game and recognize opportunities often disguised as hardships. In holy grail fashion become the laureate of second chances even if your horse places or shows.

Don’t judge a situation you’ve never been in. My friend’s Love their dogs. Like in OMG- DOG! The unrequited love in the wag of their tale and lick on their face puts a smile on theirs second to none.

Friend’s adopted a baby at birth. They threw the word adopted away as it had no “H” for Heart in it. When you have grandchildren that had nothing to do with biology and everything to do with “Everything,”- make them yours in heart, body and soul. Their memories will become your legacy. Believe me they know who loves them, chicken nuggets and all. And by the way guys it’s not dew on the white roses you sent yesterday they’re tear drops. Very sincerely yours.

As next chapters come with rapid speed listen carefully for the song of the male frog- a grunt, a croak. It often serves as the conduit to where you want to settle in. Don’t re-gift your life to people who treat you as after thoughts. Allow all that therapy pay off. Really-

The Wizard made hay from the scarecrows stuffing. Fill each seat at your table with only the deepest of players who have your back while you turn around to watch as the parade passes.

When you are hoping for a different outcome, a better result remember Anything short of health issues are freebies and party favors. The lead item that brought you into the store is not always the reason you stay. Keep it simple and make someone else’s day! That’s all she wrote Angela!

Sunday night we had Game of Thrones on in one room as I taped Billions in another. I watched Diana Ross croon “Oh my man I love him so” up close and very personal to Berry Gordy live in my bedroom.

Cut to opening week for Buco a delicious restaurant that moved to a new spot in Bloomfield, a stones throw from the land of our brave and the home of our free-Passaic, New Jersey. So in one of our several times a year catch up and exhume wonderful memories way,  The Julia’s (Just us Ladies Into Aging) and Ricky talking bout “our guy” met for dinner. We missed Gail as we “heard it through the grapevine,”she had just returned from kvelling in Israel where they were having a “heatwave”, while her first grandson became a Bar Mitzvah. Mazel Tov. Ok, so now that I’m done reading the Minutes let’s move onto the joy of the evening before we break for coffee and macaroons.

The evening in typical fashion began with an astigmatized visual, could it be we were just “standing in the shadows of love” or perhaps “ just our imagination” as we marveled at how much we look like we did way back when. I asked for matzoh cause sugar pie,  honey bunch “I can’t help myself” and “ain’t too proud to beg,” especially during the 8 days of Passover.

We ordered dinner and graciously  talked over one another creating a cacophony of sounds that sounded  like the “same old song.” We were  thrilled to be “back in our arms again.” We walked away feeling as if we had just “heard a symphony” and knowing all too well that the next time one of us reaches out “we’ll be there.” Blessed and then some.

The 8 ball- eight card fit- eight hands playing at the table – 8 is enough- Dinner at 8- 18 is chai – . Eight heart stealing Gomberg kid’s . One thing the number 8 symbolizes is the ability to make decisions. With a history of parents who got a babysitter and then drove around trying to decide where to go and what to do- I have taken my primordial history and flipped it. Date book in hand, organize the games, get the tickets and not letting ontogeny recapitulate phylogeny. And I quote- Be decisive right or wrong. Make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make decisions-end quote- author unknown. 

The Pythagoreans called the number eight “Ogdoad” and considered it the “little holy number”. Number 8 – let’s make it great!

That’s all she wrote!

Rise early, have a tan, collect things and have hobbies. Advice imparted many years back by an older, wise gentle person who wreaked with gravitas. So I started collecting book marks. It all began as a kid when we drove to Florida and stopped at South of the Border in South Carolina. It was plastic and had a picture of a sombrero. I added two more one from Williamsburg Virgiinia with a picture of our founding fathers. My third came from a school trip to Old Museum Village in Monroe, New York. That one I clipped to the top of the page of my Nancy Drew adventure.

On a random rainy day when I feel I’ve lost my place in my book I look through my collections. Flipping pages to see what happened next, albeit antiquated is still my choice of read. The absence of loosing battery, with no clicks or beeps and nothing to plug in to find out if the protagonist gets pulled over on the road for texting is my slow down, regroup time.  I pause the haunting thoughts, turn the beat around and as my Bubby would say, “look the other way mamala.” Metaphorically with the rapid pace of the progression of time, on the days that feel endless with emotional clutter how cool would it be if in an etch a sketch erase style we could come up with a resolve. In Louis Armstrong’s “wonderful world” when he heard babies cry and watched them grow he knew they’d learn more than he’d ever know and he said to himself “what a  wonderful world.” So here’s to the days before unplugging, rebooting, memes, twittering, emoticons or cyber bullying. As the dots come dancing in response to a text, sometimes hours later, with no audible voice, no inflections and a smiley face replacing a giggle I pray for the millennial’s and our grandchildren a collection of bookmarks where they can find their place even if their battery wears out.