Got to Humor from the Ozarks

Before 6:00- I am up- WTF- sleep deprivation, no fresh air. The President says you could wear a scarf, like a mask. So am I pulling out of my closet- the gucci scarf I bought at The Sawgrass Mall this winter, (pre Corona )or an old Echo scarf I probably have since the 80’s that I bought at Aldo’s on 86th street when they only sold Keds sneakers? I don’t know about you but I got a whole new set of worries. Will I run out of alcohol wipes, let alone Alcohol? Should I order another half and half, those expiration dates could take you into the next century. Never understood those far off dates. People, what’s in my half and half or better yet cottage cheese Fricken formaldehyde? Could someone tell Bed, Bath and Beyond that I have enough 2 in a pack pillows and in fact the stores are closed. Another expiration date I don’t need to worry about- save those e-mail coupons. Btw your return policy used to be better take it to your virtual board- ( bored) meeting. And this Zoom- now I got major Zoom FOMO. One more thing to add to my list for when I can go to my shrink- shout out to Dr. Spitz. My old issues, nothing, you hear me I got over them all while in isolation. Wait till he hears my new set of complaints- G-d willing we make it out alive. Another expiration date to worry about on old med bottles- cipro, valtrex, donnatol, valium. All kidding aside, my hands now need scar cream, my hair forget, like Bubby Chicken for those in the know, my nails chipped? under the radar statement. My routines are as varied and exciting as open lights, shut the lights, empty and load the dishwasher, haven’t used a sponge this much since the 60’s. Finally is anyone else putting deodorant on these days? I don’t know about you but it’s not like I’m sprinting from the living room to the kitchen. And this is not an April Fools joke. Baruch Hashem- thank G-d for Dr. Fauci.

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